HOW TO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR
Step One: Go Huntin', Shoot a Black bird. Alligators love black birds!
Step Two: Park your pick-up near the bank of the bayou and tie a very long rope to the bumper.
Step Three: Tie a very large and Manly hook to the rope.
Step Four: Hang the rope over a tree branch that hangs over the water so the bird hangs about one foot above the water.
Step Five: Have a good friend drive you home. Take a nap, and come back when the Alligator has swallowed the blackbird. The Alligator will realize he is in trouble, because he cannot swallow the bird and the rope. He will become scared, or at least mildly concerned, and perch himself on the bayou bottom awaiting his fate.
Step Six: Have your friend take his shotgun to the bank of the bayou and prepare to shoot the Gator.
Step Seven: Slowly pull the rope and the Gator from the water. When you see the Gator reach the surface of the water, yell "SHOOT!" Poor Gator.
Step Eight: Proudly mount the Alligator on the roof of your pick-up, and bring him home honking your horn loudly as you drive through town.
Step Nine: Clean the Gator and remove a five pound section of the tail. Use in this recipe.
Step Ten: Sell the Alligator hide to the highest bidding shoemaker.
5 pounds Alligator tail meat
1/2 cup minced red bell pepper
1/2 cup sliced green onions
3 teaspoons Seafood Spice
1 tablespoon dry milk powder
1 teaspoon dried tarragon
Juice from two lemons
Dice the alligator meat into small chunks. Place in a large bowl with the rest of the ingredients. Put into freezer for twenty minutes (partially frozen meat grinds better). Run through a meat grinder and stuff into sausage casings. Tie the sausage off in seven-inch links with butcher's twine. Poke the sausages with a meat fork to allow air to escape. Poach the sausages in boiling water. Grill the sausages and serve on Manly buns with mustard and onions. Add sauerkraut if you have a hangover!